First of all,if you ever read this in the future, i just want to share a few lessons for my future self and basically i am just ranting. So bear with me.
1)Lesson is to not let emotions get the best of you. Sure you feel like your heart is gonna break apart and you feel the whole world on your chest like a thousand piles of bricks are suffocating you to death and you want to scream but you are too proud to do so.But you still have to learn not to let those weighing thoughts bring you down.
2)Letting go of guilt is the best policy.Guilt builds up in your chest like a tsunami is gonna come from the small thoughts and waves of guilt everyday. Lets say you have weird dreams about people that you are too embarrassed to say and you feel like you are the only one who knows it. Maybe you should confess to the lord but you feel foolish and disgraceful but you don't know who else to turn to because even your own family are in your dreams and you are afraid that they will find out your thoughts.What Then? Best thing to do in my opinion is to just give yourself a break and confess to the lord and maybe your family in the future.Then forgive yourself about the thoughts that you have about other people and hope for the best.
3)Learn how to mind your own business unless people want to share them with you.
In everyday life, we experience the need to find out what is going on in other people's lives because we find our lives too boring or maybe you are paranoid that people might be talking about you. So you try to see and listen to what other people are saying and see if they are talking about you. Most of the time they are not. But when they are you don't know whether they are saying good or bad stuff about you.In the process you get even more paranoid and end up getting angry. So the best thing to do is to trust that the lord gives you good blessing and that people are not saying bad things about you,especially the things you are trying to hide.Even if they are,so what? You can't do anything about it unless you confront them about it and possibly end up getting into a fight. But that is not what you want. So just trust in the lord and hope that nothing too bad is being spoken of. And mind your own business.
4)Learn how to let go of anger quickly.Whenever you get angry you tend to ponder over your thoughts of why the hell are you so bloody angry in the first place. For example, you find out that you don't get your way and wonder why,why,why? Well turns out pondering over too much reasons when you are emotional only makes you angrier.So sometimes it is just best to feel the emotion,acknowledge it like an old or new friend,whichever is recent to be felt and just tell your self.
I am feeling........because of what happened before a few minutes ago and I am going to let it go and then ask someone what they think of my problem.Is it big or small. Sometimes the biggest problems can actually be small to someone else. So share your thoughts after your emotion is dealt with.
5)Learn how to deal with stress in awkward situations that make you feel uncomfortable.Whenever you are encountered with a situation that is unfamiliar.Lets say meeting new people or being at a social event that makes you feel like running away at any possible chance you get.And then you start to feel stressed because you don't know how to deal with the emotion of fear of change of the anxiety of meeting new people that might make you uncomfortable.You may make weird faces and look down to deal with the situation or ask to go to a toilet nearby if there is one.Best thing,take out your phone and try to look occupied so that people will not talk to you.So that you won't have to deal with the awkwardness of trying to start a conversation.So what do you do then?Well honestly, I still have not figured it out yet but i think the best bet is to look up and smile briefly to whoever is looking at you and if they want to start a conversation with you, just take a deep breath,pluck up your courage,if you want ask lord for courage and try to find common topics with the person and remember that they may feel the same way you do too. You are not alone in this.
These are the lessons that i have for my future self so far.
To Sarah 10 to 20 years later,remember this,don't give up,you are never alone in this world.
Treasure the moments you have because sooner or later you will leave the earth to a better place anyway. And stop making funny faces if you can. XP
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